Why do children cry?

This is the time of year that all children should be most excited about. Regardless of what you've heard, children both good and bad are about to be showered with gifts; toys, brains, candy, feet. It is all of the benefits of having a birthday, but without the hassle of having to invite people over and feed them cake. And the best part is- all of your friends get gifts too! What's not to love about this holiday?

Your parents will be cooking up a slew of tasty dishes like roast beast, mashed pota-toes, and steaming bowls full of multi-colored vegetation. All of the relatives that normally shun you will come to your house and pretend to like you and your family just long enough to get liquored up and belligerent. A lucky few will hear the clawing at the door of those that are damned to walk the earth for all eternity. It's X-mas, kiddo!

Now smile and wipe the blood from Zombie Santa's boots!