I've Found Jesus

The question is, has he found you?

Left 4 Dead: Great Game, or Greatest Game?

Christmas is coming up next week, and most of you probably think that good ol' ZS is running around like madman trying to get ready for it. Pshaw! You think that after being in this racket for this long that I haven't figured out how to prepare for it? I ditched that last minute crap around the same time that I fired those elves.

(For the record, it took a month to get the smell of burnt elf out of the house. The more you know...)

So what does this rotting pile of flesh do in the meantime to occupy himself? He indulges in a little fantasy fulfillment on the magic box. This year has been especially good to me, as the game industry has finally created a family classic that is honest about what happens during a zombie apocalypse.

While most of the commercials you may have seen for Left 4 Dead make it out to be a game where you and 3 other survivors (surviving what?!?) battle the legions of zombified souls, the real game message of the game comes in the playing:

In a zombie apocalypse, the zombies will win.

Four people against 40,000? Good luck with that. Especially when some of those 40,000 can leap through the air at record distances, vomit zombie attracting bile (smells like teen spirit!) or grab you with a massive tongue. Zombies don't have 50 foot tongues, you say? I think Mrs. Zombie Claus would disagree with you on that one- but I digress.

Crank up the difficulty to "Expert" and you will know just what the apocalypse will be like for regular people as you and your team suffer humiliating defeat after humiliating defeat.Just as you think you are about to reach your safe room, you will succumb to the multitude of putrid flesh who want nothing more than to run up, give you a great big hug and tell you how much you mean to them. And then eat your tasty brain.

Versus mode is also a great way for you regular folk to step into our shoes and see what life is like when you are different. The awkward phases you go through when you are a little overweight or you happen to cry a lot because your eyes glow red and you have a taste for flesh. This is like an afterschool special that you can be a part of!

Buy it, play it, enjoy it. You'll be a better (tasting) person if you do.

Poverty is a Poor Idea

It's Blog Action Day, and this is a blog- so where's the action?

Blog Action Day this year is set to discuss the issue of poverty. So let's discuss: first off, what is poverty?

We know that the world is comprised of the haves and the have-nots, but in the middle of this economic crisis, it seems that the have-nots are an ever expanding group. This troubles me. I know what you're thinking right now (ZS has crazy, wicked ESP) and it goes something like this, "Why does a rotting pile of festive flesh like Zombie Santa care about whether or not people go poor?"

One reason: survival.

Poor people tend to get desperate, and desperate people tend to lash out at what they fear. Zombies are scary... Do you see where I'm going with this?

When I see hateful propaganda such as this for sale, especially in these hard times, I start to get the gooseflesh. Decayed gooseflesh, but gooseflesh all the same. I would never say that I am a proponent of censorship or book burning, but this book is an abomination to abominations such as myself, and I hope that you will join me in putting an end to poverty so that we can get people back to focusing on what is truly important in life- the pursuit of happiness.

Regardless of what you choice of happiness may be, you need to chase after it like it was a deliciously ripe brain, full of juciy, bloody goodness and thoughts of fear at impending death. That brain is yours for the taking if you are willing to smash through a few walls (and maybe a skull or two) if you should choose to pursue it.

Nothing- it's what I got...

I got nothing. Not that this site has a lot of content anyway, but- well you can see for yourself. So instead I'll put up a nice picture that's sure to ignite the ire of any supposed follower of this guy and maybe they'll bring light to my comment section in the form of fire and brimstone.

Contrary to popoular belief, not all of the undead dislike fire. As much as I consider cerebral sushi a fine delicacy, I'm not a fanatic. A little charred backfat can do the body good (my body that is, not the charred one) and so I say, "Raise a glass friends and toast. He was a good man- dare I say, a delicious man!"

If my eyes are empty sockets, then why do they itch?

Sometimes life gives you lemons. That's when you need to take hold of an opportunity and make some lemonade out of those suckers- not to drink, but to pour on the open wounds of those people that bug the crap out of you. It's the gift that keeps on giving, because those screams of pain and the howling misery that follows will be just the thing to perk up your day and put a little lift in your lurch.

Challenge is just life's way of keeping you mentally fit. If everything was easy then everyone would end up a lazy ball of flesh that does nothing but grin like an idiot and drool. Sounds like fun, but after a few days it gets old. An active brain leads to an interesting life. Even more important, an active brain is a delicious thing for those of us who lead an interesting un-life.

Food for thought. *snicker*

Hibernation- not just for bears

Some people think that my job is easy. Sit around on my rotting carcass for 364 days and work one- what a deal!

Let me tell you something. If your one day of work entailed travelling around the globe visiting millions of houses and delivering billions of gifts, moving at speeds that defy reality, ingesting enough milk and cookies and whiskey and bangers and mash and curry and more- well let's just say that you would not only cease to be among the living, but also need a lot of rest to recover from such a day.

So, boys and girls, I'm back. Time to start making my list of naughty and nice and spying on all of the people on this ball of dirt to see what's what. Maybe I can find some embalming fluid and do some repair work on this dusty ol' bag of flesh?

The Reason for the Season

Happy New year!